I never trained as an artist, but I have been painting, drawing, sculpting and writing for fifty years. I decided I should share my triumphs and struggles, hoping it helps or inspire others.
I want to write about my artistic experience because it did not come easy. Growing up I had no support from my family. I heard the old proverbial, why do you want to do art … you won’t make any money at it. Ironically, my grandfather, who was forced to retire early because of a mild stroke, took up oil painting and made an effort to teach me. While I pursued acceptable careers in science and law, I continued my art almost in an unconscious way, almost unaware it was a major part of my life. While part of me worked hard to reject my artistic nature, another part kept creating. One day, I woke up and reviewed my accomplishments, hundreds of works, painting, drawings, sculpture, and. writings. I have a whole bookshelf populated with my writings. My point is that truth usually prevails. My true nature expressed itself even when my upbringing told me to reject it.
Second Guessing
When I create I usually have critical thoughts, especially when I write, that I should be doing something else or that I am an artistic fraud. As I dive deep into my writing and work towards making one of my books publishable, I have been extremely harsh on myself. My editing has shown me flaws in my earlier drafts and the process is making my book better, but the process is an excuse for my critical self to indict my entire existence as a writer. It’s exhausting second guessing myself, but I trudge forward. Fortunately, my wife is on to my tricks and won’t let me quit.
Published
After I completed my book and published it on my own, there was a tremendous joy in seeing it completed. I love having many copies on my bookshelf. It’s been a life long goal. I have learned, however, there is a big difference in creating a work and getting it noticed. There’s so many books released by commercial publishers and indie authors, that it takes effort to stand out. I live a quiet life, and may have to accept that I am too solitary to make a large impact on the book world. For now, I promote myself the best I can and will see what happens. Most importantly, I accomplished my primary goal. Now? More books to come.
RobArt Penguin 